babylon

2010-03-24T11:19:00.001-07:00

Moved.

If you find me, it's your lucky day.

2010-03-23T04:02:00.001-07:00

But wait, now how long could this take?
It’s hard to find a mate
When you’re gone before he wakes
They say it’s hard to achieve
But can’t a girl believe?

2010-03-23T03:01:00.000-07:00

Finding the right spot to blog is like finding the right boy/girl friend. In comparisons to my previous blog, this blog is so filled with sadness and remorse it's starting to scare me.

2010-03-22T10:24:00.000-07:00

I see no reason to be depressed nor any given negative state of mind. You have proven yourself for all you are to be, disappointment overriden.

2010-03-19T15:10:00.000-07:00

Been quite awhile since I've updated this spot. From where we last left off, things seem to have gotten better, I suppose. Despite the fact that I'm left clueless as to how I managed to blow my phonebill (once again) leaving myself short of an allowance for the week. My bank account doesn't look to happy with me especially since when I clearly recall a few weeks ago it was in an abundance. It's odd, really. How money comes and goes in a blink of an eye, but we spend half our lives waiting. The only similarities that bind these are how it occurs, whether we like it or not. And it is whether we like or not, it happens eventually. Taken out of our hands, and out of our control.
....Spending money on new shoes is also one of them, right?

2010-03-10T07:20:00.000-08:00

You've tried hard enough. At this crucial time however, you seem oblivious

2010-03-09T11:56:00.000-08:00

I'm afraid.
Scratch that.
I'm fucking terrified.

I try my very best (in which requires affort) to avoid situations that come with excessive emotional baggage. One key emotion being sadness. So I don't have to wish for my mother to magically appear infront of me to hug me while I cry to the atlantic's end until I fall tired. But my mother is absent of her presence. And I'm sad. Almost all the time. I'm getting so tired of hiding it. Bobo can only hug me as tight as I can hug him. But as I said, I'm tired. I just want to let go, let someone hug me tight and let myself loose. That being said, I'm in complete solitude locked in my room in the stark darkness of these four walls, the only light coming from my rusty labtop and lying on what now seems to be a flat pillow. Where do I go from here?

2010-03-09T00:35:00.001-08:00

I miss you alot. There is not a moment that I not think of you and relapse into a sadness no one else feels except for me. And perhaps yourself, but none greater than how I'm feeling right now. This deep, sinking sadness of different kinds pulling themselves together and forming a mass weight in this heart in which I (still) hold you dear. I really don't know how you do it. You make me love you, and then you make me leave you. It's amazing. I feel angry that you did that to me. I wanted to remain cold and withdrawn forever. I swear that was the plan. But you broke that exterior apart and let yourself in with all your warmth. But you left, all the cold air drawing back in just as I was getting used to the comfort. I still love you. Sadly I can never bring myself to hate you. I still can't decide whether it's bad or a good thing. Remember what you told me you wish you could do the last time? Fight more for what you wanted instead of walking away? I wonder why you chose to do the same thing when it finally came down to me. Maybe you never changed. Maybe you never had to. I allowed you to walk away and see if you wanted this bad enough to fight for it back. But you didn't. It hurt me more to see you walk away defeated so easily than anything else. Because it made me realized how much you really wanted this. You didn't.

2010-02-21T01:04:00.000-08:00

This week was a killa, sleeping less that twenty-four hours this week, my eye circles look horrid against my pale skin. I need to get serious with myself.

2010-02-16T06:18:00.000-08:00

Can someone please tell me why the fuck am I always on the losing end

2010-02-15T01:47:00.000-08:00

So once again the festive season has come, lying in Sanusi's bed in the aircon finally cooling off my body because prior to that I was getting slow cooked in the cheongsam. The relatives came together today for lunch, and I realized no matter how dysfunctional we have become, posing for pictures looked rather strained, but looking at them from my eyes, looked okay. Not perfect, but we're working on it. It's a long way we have come, so keep the pineapple tarts and bak kua flowing, the calories don't count :)

2010-02-11T01:42:00.001-08:00

In the cab right now, beautifully broken on repeat. Watching the sunlight slowly dissapate. I feel sunken. A heavy weight placed on my chest that seemed heavier than before. I try to keep a chin up, but everytime I do so I only see the tears roll down faster than it should. Vices should never be abused, but emotional stability is way out of my reach to decipher what I can't see beyond blurry eyes and a heavy heart.

2010-02-10T06:24:00.000-08:00

I wish I didn't have to stop myself from crying just because i spent half an hour on make-up. I wish I didn't have to wear make-up at all. I wish I didn't have to pretend that i can take it all. I wish I didn't have to hide. I hate pretending. I wish I didn't have to worry about tomorrow. I wish I could take a deep breath, and when I let go, everything will be okay. Tell me it will be okay. Even if it's a lie. Just fucking tell me.

I love you, but I have chosen darkness

2010-02-08T00:07:00.001-08:00

I'm going to stand firm on my ground and not budge because I know for a fact that I am right this time. No matter what the consequences may be.

2010-02-06T04:12:00.000-08:00

I would love to feel as happy when I eat all of this when I think of you, but I think it'd be better if you'd share it with me so we can both be happy, and happier after.

2010-02-05T09:19:00.000-08:00

S: "****** is already gone case"
N: "So is every girl whos heart is with another."

Heartbreakers

2010-02-05T07:34:00.000-08:00

They live amongst us, some right under our very noses. Some waiting to be discovered, and some so deep in the game they can't crawl out of the hole they buried themselves upon. Yet we still find it so easy to let go of something that is part of us, give them the green light to open a very vulnerable part of ourselves that we never thought we would pry open. The green light to take a part of us with them and never ask for anything in return, never giving it back anyway because they left it somewhere underneath their beds. That sinking, perverse feeling of disgust when you know that you should've never done it in the first place. But the sheer irony of it all is how we come about being heartbreakers in return. Letting go of somebody not because you want to but its only because you don't want the same god-damned feeling of your heart getting pulled out from it's weary corners once again.

2010-02-04T14:15:00.000-08:00

There is absolutely nothing left in this world that you can trust

Dimensions

2010-02-03T10:03:00.000-08:00

From walking in Chinatown drenched in afternoon sweat to walking in and out of different departmental stores, I actually found myself productive, in a very different way. Fucking the fact that I neglected both work and school today. I decided to halt all things that required forceful (ha) use of brain juice and energy and take a breather. My chest feels less heavy and even though I'm tired, it's a 'good' tired. Not the kind which you feel like puking and you are too lazy to take off your make-up kinda tired, but I've had a good day doing good things and having a good time kinda tired. I feel contented, even though I know how much shit I've gotta go through in the next matter of weeks. I wish for march to come quicker, but as for now, things have been pretty... decent. I need to come to terms with myself that I deserve this, no matter how worse I've become at understanding accounting (something which I already have come to terms with).

2010-02-01T09:15:00.000-08:00

Fate has perculiar ways of presenting itself

2010-01-29T00:05:00.000-08:00

This feeling. I don't know how to describe. A feeling of being submerged in life and it's profound findings. Similar to hot summer days, long car rides with your head sticking out, lying beneath the night sky and gazing at the stars. Taking in breathtaking landscapes, watching the sun dawn this earth in the early morning. I've always yearned it. It's so heart warming. Soul-filling. That feeling which I believe is powerful enough to substitute love, given it's fullest potential. A feeling I have yearned to smell, see and touch for as long as these faithful legs of mine have carried me

2010-01-28T02:43:00.001-08:00

Love is far adverse from what The Notebook perceeds it to be. Yet these claims are so nonchalant when you want so badly to weave a story about it, on your very own.

2010-01-26T23:56:00.001-08:00

I want to deposit my anger, sadness, indifferency, happiness into something. Something that would turn out to be beautiful despite whatever outcome. Like pictures. I want my camera :(

2010-01-26T11:57:00.000-08:00

I see no reason to justify myself but seriously?

I have done no wrong neither have I backstabbed any of your backs unlike all of you have stabbed mine, generously. Indeed I club alot (or used to), socialize more than most people would - which by the way I haven't so much anymore, but does that really make me a slut? You don't know half the things that go on in my life. Neither were you there to know. No, I don't make out hardcore when I'm high. You can ask all the people who know me better than all of you who claim to know me ever so well. You don't know me. You know parts of me, some which aren't entirely good, but keep that to yourselves. I have a fucking heart too. I'm fucking disappounted in all of you. Every single one.

2010-01-24T04:48:00.000-08:00

1) I am me once more - Zee Avi
2) Japanese Gum - Her Space Holiday
3) Me, Myself And I - Beyonce
4) Helicopter - Bloc Party
5) 405 - Death Cab For Cutie
6) Romulus - Sufjan Stevens
7) Telescope Eyes - Eisley
8) Beautiful Love - The afters
9) The Sadness Will Never End - Bring Me The Horizon

The few couple of songs stuck on repeat as of late. This week has been a tough one.

truth

2010-01-22T13:15:00.000-08:00

I want to be simple, I hate my job and I want to place all the hurt I have somewhere else and burn it

2010-01-18T02:01:00.000-08:00

"There is only one sin, only one. And that is theft. Every other sin is a variation of theft…When you kill a man, you steal a life. You steal his wife’s right to a husband; rob his children of a father. When you tell a lie, you steal someone’s right to the truth. When you cheat, you steal the right to fairness."

2010-01-17T12:24:00.000-08:00

The Lord and I have conversations from time to time. But they mostly end up being very angsty and tear-ridden. I was never the devout catholic. I loathed sunday class(mostly the waking up for it part) and I always ended up being the last to leave in confessions cause the priest decides to hand me a penance on ten hail mary's and glory be's. I mean come on. Stealing your brother's m&m's and money to buy more of that couldn't be that bad, right? Even as a child I loathed it, but my mother would never fail to bring my brother and I once every three months. Shortly after my parents divorced, I chose not to believe in a God. Don't ask me why, I just didn't see a point. But I think today I shall have one more conversation with the man up above, ask him what the fuck is going on in the nicest, possible tone that I can.

might be a quarter life crisis, or a stirring in my soul

2010-01-16T15:45:00.000-08:00

I dragged myself to work today feeling much less than a hundred percent because I had a fever, runny nose and cough that is rather merciless. I ran around like a dog once again. I have a mini headache which I'm currently trying to silence at the back of the head but I'm just making it more aggravated. I have a feeling my body isn't feeling the least happy with me at all. I treat it like shit. In fact, I treat myself like shit. After from work I decided to take a long hot shower, I stared at myself in the mirror and a washed out, tired creature stared back at me (along with last weeks hideous tan). I looked into those reflected eyes and I realized how sad I look (not making an attempt to self-pity, thanks). I put my palm to my cheek, and then it hit me.
I am not happy.
I really need to get out of this. I don't know how. Fuck.

2010-01-15T02:45:00.000-08:00

BLEAK
FORSAKEN
AND
ugly.

2010-01-12T03:34:00.000-08:00

About me:

I can listen to sufjan stevens forever (as a matter of fact I'm listening to it now). The only flowers that I like are hydrangeas. I have an immense phobia of cockroaches. I like lego (although they haven't gone multi-racial yet them yellow bastards) and hello kitty(which most people oppose to). I like black coffee. and reds. Mint sweets. Black. Anything associated with the word, metaphorically, emotionally and physically. I love unicorns. I want like very much to own one someday. Aurora Borealis, I would love to live in the region where it occurs. So I could watch it everyday, then I wouldn't need a tv anymore. Just that, my (potential)lover the sky and some wine. I'm not afraid of death, I'm only afraid of being broken. into two, maybe three. But instead I've been broken countless of times. I like photographs. Infact I love, how a soul of an object and an emotion still lingers in a single picture. I like memories too. But I mostly have bad ones wandering through my head. I would like to escape. I haven't a clue where I would like to go, I just would like a fresh start. I like cupcakes. They make me happy. Alot. Especially when it comes in boxes of 6. I just like it in that number. I'm not really a social person (most people would gag at this). I like being alone most of the time. Because alone is where I know myself. I'm a firm believer of how nothing is permanant, for everything in this life is only temporary (maybe plastic, but that's a whole other issue). I would like to learn how to swim and swim well, but ever since an incident which happened while I was really young I refuse to head into the sea unless I can see the bottom of it and provided my toes can touch it. I don't like compliments either. I'm self-centred. I try to love others though (trust me on this), but sometimes it's just out of my capabilities to. I love my ipod although it can't really store much songs anymore (8gb is not enough). I love smoking up. Fuck chemicals. I just want to smoke weed forever. Listening to bob marley, the beatles and oasis and drinking strawberry milk. And having a good conversation about life, and looking through a kaleidscope while you're at it is the most orgasmic feeling ever. I would like to die before I hit 60. So I won't grow old and be a burden. As cliche as it may seem, I think every person in this life is beautiful in their own way. I also am a firm believer of karma. It likes me alot, and is always spying on me. I try to do good deeds, most of the time. But I lose my way and end up doing terrible things. My head and heart is always saying two different things at any point of time. That's why it's hard to supress myself. I think I'm insane sometimes (probably am). But that's just me. M-e.

So my dear friend, is this a good enough description of myself?

2010-01-12T03:30:00.000-08:00

Once so deep in love now forgotten
endless cigarettes and whiskey from the bottle
Doing a deed out of jealousy
saving a cat from death

Lovers, drunkards, sinners and saints
We are only human, afterall

2010-01-12T03:25:00.000-08:00

My bones are tired, Daddy
I don't get enough sleep
I don't eat as good as I could, Daddy
What's that say about me?
You know sometimes I sleep past noon, Daddy
I drink lots of black coffee and I smoke like a chimney....

2009-12-29T02:08:00.000-08:00

I am absolutely drained. I don't know how many times I've said this (or at least in another form) but yes I am. I'm fucking tired to the bones. So the least you could do, is when I stay up until three on my off day when really I should be sleeping, marinating lamb and risking my freshly done nails for the sake of having a nice time with a bottle of moscato and plucked grapes, I at least expect you to be more excited and not wanting to go to town only knowing that it's only cause your other friends there. But it's okay, one hundred bucks gone is okay. Nearly two hours gone is also okay. Cooking is also okay, only because you're not the one at the loss of it. The only thing I got right was buying that bottle of moscato. It's all mine now(insert sadistic laughter).

2009-12-23T23:06:00.000-08:00

The less you know, the less you know.
I concur

2009-12-23T21:59:00.000-08:00

~~Je veux ton amour~~
I don't wanna be friends

Cole

2009-12-23T20:54:00.000-08:00

2009-12-20T08:02:00.000-08:00

Don't tell me you don't like this song because I don't care it's still awesome

2009-12-20T06:32:00.000-08:00

We spent some time
together crying
Spent some time just trying
to let each other go
I held your hand so
very tightly
And told you what I would be
dreaming of

There’s nothing like you and I
So why do I even try?
There’s nothing like you and I

Dimanche heureux

2009-12-20T02:36:00.001-08:00

With no interruptions (I shall not curse this), getting to immerse myself with a good book, a glorious big mug of caffeine and cigarettes. I'm only missing a giant bowl of chocolate chip cookie dough and a cute kitten but this is good enough for me.

Christxmas

2009-12-18T22:37:00.000-08:00

A pretty christmas tree
Get excited even though you know santa isin't the one who is filling up your stockings
Still get excited when you leave milk and cookies out in the night and in the morning it all magically disappears
Watch love actually and gush at the scene where he shows the flash cards
Eat roast lamb until you get sick of it
Go to mass and sing your heart out on all the christmas songs when you just want the chocolate that comes at the end of it
Receive presents that you don't like but plaster a fake smile and pretend you absolutely adore it
Get warm hugs from everybody
Die a little more because this will never happen again

We loathe

2009-12-18T07:33:00.001-08:00

There are seven billion people in this world, I just only need one to hold my hand and see me through all of this.

2009-12-06T23:43:00.000-08:00

2009-12-06T00:58:00.000-08:00

I am so fucking destroyed

2009-11-24T23:17:00.000-08:00

I am scared of commitment, only because I'm scared of being held back. It's not a wonder why my parents (secretly) loathe my existence

2009-11-24T13:19:00.000-08:00

I need something to poke and gorge my eyes out now. I can't believe I just wolfed down a quarter tin of milo powder(way too good chocolate substitute, nutella is even better), a double cheese and tomato sandwhich and dark chocolate. I hate being so greedy. It disgusts me. Almost as much as twilight.

420 friendlies <3

2009-11-24T10:43:00.000-08:00

We are all components of a mixture of carless mishapps in a girl's anatomy. An arch made from both sides of the genre forming into yet another soul. We are magic.

Yet why are we destroying ourselves? The beauty of the pale green, mightnight blue skies, among nestling a pale yellow oval. The look through a cocumbine's eyes, the different dimension hides. Where a message was simple, speaking through wired boxes unecessory. The beauty of a single-lit candle snatching darkness away from the rooms. Coal for hot water, and none for cold. The beauty of irony clash, but still living side by side. Look through a kaleidescope and imagine the endless swirls of vivd colours through your eyes and ignite. The innocency of what was once a careless mishaps now have become sich a stark, thick wounding blackness. The only make-up then was the blushing of our cheeks. Now carelessly whisps of thick mascara and heavy kohl rim those once island-paradise eyes, now a jaded baby blue. Self-destruct is a touche, for we only colaspe on one another.
Don't deny.
The only curse we have is the endless betrayal on our backs

2009-11-23T01:45:00.000-08:00

We're fighting things that we didn't know

2009-11-16T21:30:00.000-08:00

No matter how difficult this life gets, it soon shall pass.

2009-11-14T17:06:00.000-08:00

I want to walk in the open wind
I want to talk like lovers do
I want to dive in your ocean
Is it raining with you?

Talk to me, like lovers do
Walk with me, like lovers do

Zsa and Claire's version is still the best among the lot

2009-11-08T22:14:00.000-08:00

Pushing aside the fact that it's taylor swift I believe the lyrics hold true to it's meaning especially with your smile. Not media perfect, but indeed flawless to me

2009-11-06T04:42:00.000-08:00

Fucking the dopest shit to trip on

2009-11-05T01:15:00.001-08:00

If I get to sixty will you let me slip away
Into an armchair for the rest of my days
Cos you’ve got your family and I’ve got mine
The love that we share is for another time

Violet Hill

2009-11-03T00:11:00.002-08:00

I hear the faint chirping although my ipod is almost on full volume. The skies seemed a tad sadder than yesterday. My warm chocolate is losing it's warmth as fast as i'm losing my faith. Rachel Yamagata helps unwind my feelings. No mattter how hard I try to concentrate my thoughts gallop far away into the stark abyss. Even serenity seems so malicious. Never knowing when it would turn it's tables on me, I can only sit and wait for this beginnings end. But even from the end, brings a new beginning. They say our hearts are about the size of our fist, but from the emotions holding itself along these thin walls filling maximum capacity, if you love me won't you let me know?

2009-11-01T01:18:00.000-07:00

I don't have a problem with you doing what you want to do, but i have a problem if it involves me and you're going to be selfish about it. People who take advantages of their positions they have at work just because they are more 'senior' can suck it. I hope you lose your phone or the bank skims your money because hell bitch, you deserve it

2009-10-29T14:14:00.000-07:00

It's 5:16am and I finally managed to crawl into bed. My face isn't happy with me thanks to the smoke, late nights and oily food at odd hours and now displays an array of angry red splots on my face. I don't bother taking off my makeup(sue me cause right now idon'tgiveafuck) and i'm just glad i can finally lie down. These past 2 weeks have been hectic, and I got what I wished for. So this is how it feels like not to think, just do. Being drunk off my face, and my delirium. What a solid pair, eating at the holes of what's left of me. Don't think just do, I remind myself. But being so unsure of not knowing ehat you're doing gets to you, especially when you're worrying about the calories you indulged in last night...such is life.

2009-10-27T15:13:00.000-07:00

i'll let me
let you
let us escape this reality
and substitute it with our dreams
imagination isin't too far away when we were always living in our heads to begin with

2009-10-26T13:44:00.000-07:00

you say you are watching me
but baby i got 4 eyes
and i'm watching you with three

2009-10-25T01:38:00.000-07:00

Next time you come down, I'll do something about it

2009-10-24T01:36:00.001-07:00

"NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS NOW, I WON'T BE AFRAID."

2009-10-24T01:20:00.000-07:00

Harsh beads of salty tears fall for the ones you love
and the ones you love-d

2009-10-21T05:47:00.000-07:00

Soldier on

2009-10-20T01:41:00.001-07:00

I've been waiting for this moment
and it feels godamned liberating

2009-10-18T12:55:00.001-07:00

"i want to punch you so hard in your chest so your heart can hurt as much as mine does"

2009-10-18T05:51:00.000-07:00

6859.) Today I saw a young boy holding both his parents hands walking across the street. I felt jealous. Why? He had something I'll never have. Family.

(via blogsecret)

2009-10-18T01:48:00.000-07:00

I'm tired of showing mutual respect towards people who don't even have the decency of recipocrating it. Both your mental ages obviously aren't anywhere close to your physical ones. I'm tired of drama and partly the reason why I took on this job is because it gets me away from it. So if you wanna bring the shit into the workplace I suggest you take your pretty bitchfit outside before I shove my fist in your face.

Anyway, I've been working alot and it's already taking my toll on my social life but I'm going to tell myself that it is worth it.
I think

2009-10-16T05:39:00.001-07:00

Sometimes it's hard to face the ugly in disappointment especially when it's someone you love who pushed it to you

cigarettes and suitcases

2009-10-13T12:26:00.000-07:00

I woke up and I had a splitting headache due to last nights drinking activities. I've regurgitated about five times but thank God the nauseated feeling has subsided. I feel rather sluggish, causing me to eat more than usual today. But it was today (mostly the first half) that made me feel more contented with usual. Long bus rides, with the chilled air within but you feel the warm radiance of the afternoon heat from the window panes listening to jack johnson and talking about anything and everything. Sharing food with the ones you love and enjoying their company (B & I found this huge (and i mean bigger than life) pack of potato chips, deep fried with beer with this sweet and salty tang to it and it's so addictive). I may not have it all but i am satisfied with what I've got. It's these simple things in life I look forward to. I've gotten a 'last warning' from my father and I need to do something about it because I don't want to get back to the state I was before, even though he thinks I am but I know I'm not. I mean which eighteen year old can safely say they can keep a $35 phone bill each month? If anyone of you read this and manage to follow through please tell me how to keep my phonebill sane (and me too)... I'm glad I have work tomorrow. Powerhouse here we gooo~

2009-10-13T09:46:00.000-07:00

2009-10-11T08:29:00.000-07:00

B bought this for me in encouragement for work. I think she is the only one who understands that my obsession with hello kitty. There is something about that purdy little kitty that makes me want it. We came back from sakae at icon village (located at tanjong pagar) and we r so G coz you know how they have that surcharge if you waste their food? Well we avoided that by putting it all in a plastic bag and putting it in our bags because that is how we G'z roll. I decided that i'm going to get a tattoo (a small one) with my first pay and a giant my little pony plushy (I want Galaxy because she is my favourite out of them). I also wanted a tamagotchi but then if I were to get one my tamagotchi wouldn't have anyone to play with because the person who I was supposed to get it with is gone... But overall I've had a decent sunday so I rate my day 4/5 stars!!1 bye

2009-10-10T16:06:00.000-07:00

I like the feel of exhaustion because it also acts as a reminder that you're alive.
But barely

2009-10-10T00:35:00.000-07:00

So this week saw me denying most means of social interaction but I actually feel good immersing myself in school and work. I hate facebook and I hate boys

2009-10-08T00:10:00.000-07:00

I'm not O.K
You're not O.K
and that's (finally) okay.

2009-10-06T23:35:00.000-07:00

I'm tired. I can barely breathe cause the mucus in the nose refuses to budge and my cough is dry and painful. I have work later at 9 to 4am. I forsee myself getting diabetes from O.D-ing on redbull. I just want to get through this day. Alone.

2009-10-06T01:09:00.000-07:00

The worst pain you can inflict upon yourself is self-denial
because the only pain you feel is the pain that you're feeding yourself

2009-10-05T14:07:00.001-07:00

Sometimes even the most foolish games we play
are the ones we self-destruct in

2009-09-30T02:53:00.000-07:00

2009-09-29T23:45:00.000-07:00

I'm praying extra hard so I get to monday in one, solid, piece.

2009-09-28T15:02:00.001-07:00

I've got the job, quote ilya "my baby is finally growing up!"
I'm scared to get puked over by customers now :(

2009-09-28T09:54:00.000-07:00

Sit down. Think. Breathe. Take a puff from your cigarette. Stare at the sky. Dream big. Forget about the hurt. Smile. Let Go

2009-09-27T01:32:00.000-07:00

Just got back from a long day today, apart from waking up at eleven in the morning, I actually feel that I have more energy as compared to starting my day at three in the afternoon. I’m setting my priorities out and I’m on a mission to clean my hurricane wreck of a room tomorrow. In reminder to myself that I need to alter my jeans in which I have kept postponing from three weeks ago (hopefully that pair still fits even after eating for three), I need to keep another mental tab to make sure I start studying for marketing. The whole bill thing is getting to my head on top of my project and everything is in such a blurry mess and I sure hope I can make it in one piece by the end of next week.
I was taking a closer look at my ipod today and notice what a beating it has took. It lost its subtle shine and the back label which says ‘ipod’ doesn’t really seem visible anymore. The ends are chipped and the click wheel sometimes throws a bitchfit on me. I think ipod’s carry a sense of sentimental value within don’t you think? When you’re sad, smoking a cigarette by yourself, pre-club preperation or starting your day. Like the amount of songs you put inside every time and it starts to pile up, it grows with you through different stages of your life. I was lusting over the new ipod nano until I realized that I wasn’t ready to let my black one go because it shared parts of life with me I won’t forget. Like how my old green one is. But it’s with Suria and so I highly doubt it’s even functional now (damn you).

2009-09-26T00:48:00.000-07:00

I'm not even through half the day yet and I'm already annoyed. I have one day old make-up on me, I'm hungry and of all times microsoft word decides to go ninja tempremental on me argh~ ok ya I should get over myself

2009-09-25T00:17:00.000-07:00

When you love someone
you deny the truth,
believe a lie
There'd be times you even believe you can fly.

fucked from above

2009-09-24T23:52:00.000-07:00

I had a major headache and my legs were aching yesterday, so I took some painkillers and went to sleep. I dreamt that I had my period and when I woke up well, you know the rest. I've decided to turn semi-vegetarian(not consuming any type of poultry but still consume seafood), So you won't catch me pigging out on a mushroom swiss burger again...... hahaha. I know what are the few chapters to study for the supp paper so that somehow gives me a motivation to study cause I don't have to review all ten chapters of the damn course book again. I also have my trusty accounts "tuition" teacher with me on the phone so all is good. I have a feeling my bill this month is going to burst and my father is going to murder me. Must.not.burst.must.not.burst.must.not.burst

2009-09-24T00:05:00.000-07:00

I'm seasoned not to care

lienda

2009-09-22T01:51:00.000-07:00

(I probably said this a thousand times but i can't help but whine) I'm so tired. Why can't you just understand that?
Anyway, my aunt has upgraded from calling my house phone to my mobile phone. I saw private number ringing and just when i thought it was mom, i heard a familiar naggy tone in which i just put down the phone. They finally decided to build a 7-11 near my house!!1 Okay. Back to studying. Bai

2009-09-21T08:58:00.001-07:00

"When you're high, nothing else matters"

And that's the way it should fucking be.

B & I went to the marketplace in Ion and they have Diet A&W root beer ftfw!
The marketplace knows what's upppppp

1, 2 WOOP WOOP

2009-09-20T23:47:00.000-07:00

ana

It's 2.50pm and I haven't slept yet. But hell, Steve Aoki was so awesome. When they played electric feel i felt every ounce of energy flowing through my body. It's still playing in my mind, a constant encore. Fatty's phone line got cut off cause she didn't come back on time but she said it was worth it and I second that. Glow stickz, drunk people, steve aoki popping champagne, everything was so awesome. I'm paying the price however my body can barely move my eyelids are begging me to shut it but my mind is still -zing- wide awake. Gonna meet B later to chill, hopefully i can last throughout the day with just almond soy milk cause my friend passed a comment yesterday outside zouk saying I looked fat. Okay not really I know I'll just fall back into the cycle of eating. I don't really care/ I can't think anymore. Have a good day x

2009-09-19T13:32:00.000-07:00

Now playing: Baby Bash - Suga Suga

Definitely one of my all time favourites because I can never get sick of it, brings me back to really good times.

Lapin

2009-09-19T08:54:00.000-07:00

So what's good, just got back from a long two days of clubbing and attending shobana's chalet. I decided to pamper myself with some really good bak chor mee near my house in the morning, with extra sliced chilli on the side, finally managed to catch some shut eye after what seemed to be forever, woke up at seven pm to find my phone with 8 missed calls and 12 new text messages but my fingers were being stubborn so I just left it at that. Went down to get some almond soy milk and seedless grapes, and a chocolate waffle which i scoffed down and in return spiling some of the chocolate on my phone (I was always a messy eater). I'm feeling completely relaxed now, going to enjoy a good Sunday tomorrow, try to stay clear of going out the whole of next week (sans clubbing as well) so I can ace my sub paper. X

2009-09-17T23:21:00.000-07:00

I just want to close my eyes and sleep forever.
But reality is,
I can't even sleep for a day.

2009-09-16T04:29:00.001-07:00

fb quizzes suck

2009-09-16T01:36:00.000-07:00

I have had it. This is me fucking exploding because I've kept it in for the fucking longest time and I THINK YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT

Look, if you're going to call me all the way from down under just to tell to cuss at me, I suggest you bring your little bitchfit somewhere else just because the flowers in your garden can't grow. I'm not your venting machine where you can just call me up just to nag me up and leave me feeling aggravated. I don't give a fuck if you're my aunt. You show no respect towards me, I'm not going to show any towards you. You can keep on thinking what a black sheep in the family I am. No, I don't have a fucking degree and neither am I finding a cure for cancer or marry a hot italian babe. But I know who I am and what I'm capable of, my family (one which excludes you) and friends know me better. I don't give a fuck on who's side of the fucking divorce you are on, that shit is long over so get the fuck over it because I have. Don't nag about my parents to me because if you really want, they have their own phone lines so you can jolly well call them and not me. I'm not in the marriage I'm just their fucking offspring and I'm tired of always being in the fucking middle of it. I suggest you don't call me to the phone because the next tone you're going to hear is the line cutting off.

“No matter what happens now, I won’t be afraid”

2009-09-15T03:27:00.000-07:00

This past few days have been eventful but come with a price of exhaustion, I find myself in dire need of sleep but the moment I rest my head on the pillow, my thoughts never cease to come more alive than when I’m awake.

XXX

2009-09-13T02:58:00.001-07:00

I want to make you happy. I want to make the people I care about happy. But I don't know how or I've just haven't come to the realization that I can't

2009-09-13T02:06:00.000-07:00

I carry with me no lust but I seek companionship. We are sailing the ship, but I'm not ready to set an anchor down on waters I still have not seem to figure what lies within. Why can't we be what we were once before? I'm trying but your insensitivity to things makes me more weary of myself because I can't be what I am around you anymore. I wish no definition between us because what we had once before was beautiful. We have not yet reached the point where we are 'strained', but we are sure as hell on the way there.

we are gold

2009-09-12T22:59:00.000-07:00

Yesterday felt like youth all over again.

2009-09-10T09:26:00.000-07:00

Run your petite fingers through my hair and tell me everything is okay, you return with a cup of warm chocolate and no matter how big I have grown and aged, you would place me on your lap so you could hold me tight. My tears, sometimes darkened with my filthy runny mascara so obliging to fall on your shirt but you let me have my way. Sometimes I wish you were here, because my mug is not full of hot chocolate, but burden. My hair has grown tangled and the tears seem almost too cosy to be sitting on my puffy cheeks. I don't need a million dollars, or a giant mansion, because all I want you to do is hug me. Make your warmth known again, because the heart in which I used to place you in is becoming unknown. Like the rest of my feelings, diplomatically forming a line to guard what's left of this empty space. I'm trying to not ask myself, "where are you when I need you the most?" but understand it gets hard from time to time, I'm trying so hard to be without you. Seeking solace seems virtually impossible without your presence within, around and with me. Loving you is all I have ever known.

2009-09-10T03:11:00.000-07:00

2009-09-09T13:22:00.000-07:00

It is now and then, a coffee and cigarette in hand staring into the world, with this beautiful piece playing on my ipod I get reminded how ironically beautiful life is